Video & transcript (after the jump) courtesy of
CONAN: It's a big issues with kids, because I have kids the similar age as you.
They want the phone with the apps.
It's a problem.
Louis C.K.: I just don't let them have it yet.
Just say no.
You can't have it.
You know, it's bad for you.
I don't care what you want.
CONAN: I love "I don't care what you want."
Louis C.K.: I'm not there to make them happy.
That's a terrific philosophy.
Louis C.K.: That is.
I'm not raising -- the children I'm raising the grown-ups that they're going to be.
I have to raise them with the tools to get through a terrible life.
CONAN: I hope you told them this right before you turn off the light and shut the door.
Your life will be horrible.
Louis C.K.: All the other kids have the terrible things.
So my kid has to -- yeah, let's -- let your kid go and be a better example to these [BEEP] kids.
Just because the other stupid kids have phones doesn't mean that -- oh, my kid has to be stupid otherwise she'll feel weird.
Louis C.K.: You know, I think these things are toxic, especially for kids.
It's this thing.
They don't look at people when they talk to them. They don't build the empathy.
Kids are mean and it's because they're trying it out.
They look at a kid and they go, you're fat.
Then they see the kid's face scrunch up and say ooh, that doesn't feel good.
But when they write they're fat, they go, hmm, that was fun.
CONAN: That tasted good.
Louis C.K.: The thing is you need build an ability to just be yourself and not be doing something that's what the phones are taking away.
Is the ability to just sit there like this.
That's being a person, right?
You have to check.
You know, underneath everything in your life there's that thing, that empty -- forever empty, you know what I'm talking about?
Yes, I know what you're talking about.
Louis C.K.: The knowledge that it's all for nothing and you're alone.
You know, it's down there.
Sometimes when things clear away, you're in your car and you go, oh, no, here it comes that I'm alone.
Like it starts to visit on you, just this sadness.
Life is tremendously sad just by being in it.
And so you're driving and then you go, oh, that's why we text and drive.
I look around pretty much 100% of people driving are texting.
And they're killing -- everybody's murdering each other with their cars.
But people risk ruining their own and taking a life because they don't want to be alone for a second.
I was in my car one time and Bruce Springsteen came on one time.
And I was listening to "jungle land."
And he go -- and he sounds far away.
CONAN: That's half of them.
Louis C.K.: That's a lot of them.
CONAN: No, he goes --
Louis C.K.: And it's really far away sounding.
Can you do it with a reverb?
You're not doing it.
Louis C.K.: Except with Springsteen, if it were you doing that I would have said what the hell is that on my radio?
CONAN: I did it just the same as Bruce.
Louis C.K.: It made me really sad.
And I go, OK, I'm getting sad.
I've got to get the phone and write hi to 50 people.
Somebody not as cool writes back.
And you go, [BEEP].
I want somebody better.
Hey, how come you didn't answer my text?
So anyway, I started to get that sad feeling.
I was reaching for the phone.
You know what, don't.
Just be sad.
Just let the sadness stand in the way of it.
And let it hit you like a truck.
I let it come and Bruce -- and I started to feel, oh, my God.
And I pulled over and I just cried like a bitch.
I cried so much and it was beautiful.
It was like this beautiful -- it was just this -- sadness is poetic.
You're lucky to live sad moments.
And then I had happy feelings because when you let yourself feel sad your body has like anti-bodies.
You have happiness rushing in to meet the sadness.
I was grateful to feel sad and then I met it with true profound happiness.
It was such a trip, you know?
The thing is because we don't want that first bit of sad, we push it away with like a little phone \[BEEP] for the food.
And you get a little kind of --
You never feel completely sad or completely happy.
You just feel kind of satisfied with your product.
And then you die.
So that's why I don't want to get a phone for my kids.